Neurons, Linguistics, and a Magic a little bit

 

Do you want to succeed Steve Jobs? Stop mumbling, whining, and worrying about acne once and for all, seduce the most beautiful girl on the course in two minutes, and influence people? Stop drinking, smoking and speaking English? It's not for your grandmother – she's powerless here, it's for your NLP coach.

Background of the issue

Neuro–linguistic programming (NLP) is a fashionable trend in psychotherapy and practical psychology, developed in the 1970s by American psychologist Richard Bandler, linguist John Grinder and business coach Frank Pucelic. At one time, this trio came up with the idea that if you copy the behavior (verbal and non-verbal) of successful people, you can achieve, if not the same, then quite satisfactory results in terms of your own success. What Bandler, Grinder and Pucelik really achieved by creating NLP. Although, by and large, they have not created much, in many ways only summarizing the "global" experience of manipulation, which we all apply to varying degrees every day.

It is no secret that a number of researchers seriously doubt the effectiveness of NLP techniques, calling it the most discredited therapeutic practice. Many people do not consider neuro–linguistic programming to be a scientific field (however, the question remains open here, since psychotherapy in general is often difficult to classify as a scientific activity for a number of reasons), some doubt the ethics of its use. In general, NLP has enough detractors. But is neuro-linguistic programming really that inefficient and immoral? But let's figure it out.

Let's make a reservation right away: of course, we won't be able to talk about all the principles and tricks of NLP, since this area is quite wide – let's just talk about some techniques.

Drop anchor

One of the main NLP techniques is the so-called anchoring technique, which is built around a conditioned reflex, which is called an anchor. It is known that our conditioned reflexes arise on their own. For example, if we heard the same song on the radio every now and then during our first love, then years later this song will remind us of that carefree time. NLPists have learned to use this seemingly useless property in manipulation techniques, that is, they were able to artificially form the necessary conditioned reflex. You can do the same thing, with just a little practice. How does this happen? To begin with, let's say that anchors can be positive and negative, that is, they can cause both positive and negative emotions in an anchored person. Anchoring itself is divided into auditory, visual, and kinesthetic. You can anchor yourself, or you can anchor another person. The one who anchors determines which kind of anchoring the other person is best available at the moment. Usually, anchoring another is a rather implicit process, it happens unnoticeably to a person. Let's say you're a neurolinguistic psychotherapist and you want your new client to associate you with support. Wait until he talks about some sad episode of his life (or evoke such memories, for example, with relevant questions), and now put your hand on his shoulder (or, say, touch his arm, wrist). It will be a kinesthetic anchor. Of course, your client noticed this action, but it was implicit, he explained it to himself in some way or did not explain it at all. As a rule, the anchoring process requires anchoring (this is called a stack of anchors). To "strengthen" your position, that is, anchor, the next time, under some pretext, remind the client again about the sad moments of his life – and again imperceptibly put your hand on his shoulder. The same thing can be repeated next time. And then that's it: the anchor will be fixed, and the client will remember you with gratitude as a person who supports him, and, apparently, he will come to you for a long time, gradually, and most importantly, voluntarily giving you what he has earned with backbreaking work.

Let's also add that all our emotions, if we approach them armed with an algebra textbook, look like a sine wave.: they have a certain rise, peak, and finally decline. So, NLPists advise that the anchoring process should begin only when a person's emotions are at their peak, or even better, just before the peak of their development. In order to anchor yourself, for example, to a feeling of joy – wait until you have a similar state, and smell your favorite perfume, turn on a good song or look at a dear photo on the table. Next time, do the same thing, and then again. In the end, you will achieve that when you smell the perfume with the same fragrance again, hear a song or look at a photo, you will feel joy. NLP experts say that this is a very effective way to cheer yourself up, which, of course, is difficult to doubt. One thing is unclear: whether your joy will decrease after you remember that you "urgently" need to "anchor" it, and whether it will be replaced by a feeling of disgust after several attempts to artificially cause it – we are not robots.

The "swipe" technique

is used to change some habitual action, pattern of behavior. Anything from a reaction to a salivating boss to working with some kind of bad habit, such as smoking. The work proceeds with a stimulus–response chain. The stimulus does not depend on the person, most often it comes from outside. The task of technology is to create a different response to this stimulus. Its inventor– the aforementioned linguist John Grinder– believed that this process of transforming one state into another should be accompanied by some kind of hissing sound. Hence the name of the technique: "swish" in English – swish. The whole technique is tied to the so-called keys, that is, those images, sounds or sensations that are a stimulus in a particular situation for a particular person. The key's main criterion is versatility. All situations related to this incentive should be included in it as some kind of nodal stations.

How to quit smoking?

It is said that NLPists really work very effectively with this bad habit (provided, of course, that the person wants it himself). The work is carried out using the same "wave" technique. And now the step-by-step instructions. 1. First of all, identify your intention to quit smoking, and then analyze what exactly you get from smoking, why you do it, and what it gives you. Be extremely honest with yourself – this clarification applies to all of the following points. 2. Now think carefully: why do you want to change, why do you want to quit smoking? Are you really willing to lose or replace something in order to acquire a new fortune? 3. Think carefully about how you will replace each of the benefits of your smoking – with what kind of more acceptable activity is really available to you today and really desired by you. 4. The visual key (the urge to smoke is associated with a certain picture in most people, therefore it is visual, not auditory and kinesthetic) to the smoking situation can be the following images: the type of cigarette, the type of a smoking person, a friend's suggestion "Let's go smoke", a cup of coffee, etc. Find "your "key," the picture that triggers your desire to smoke. Most often, this is an image of yourself lighting a cigarette, a cigarette in your hand. In order to find out which key is yours, it's worth asking yourself the question: how do I know it's time to smoke? 5. The next step is to draw in your imagination a new image of yourself, taking into account the activity that should replace smoking for you. Make this image as attractive as possible for you. You should be happy and comfortable remembering him. This image (in fact, a picture in your head) must meet two more criteria.: be dissociated and have a blurred background in order to fit any situation. 6. The next stage is the swing itself. Having imagined the image of yourself with a cigarette, quickly replace it with your new Self-image so that it completely replaces the first one and looks brighter and more attractive. Then look around, blink, and try again. In total, you need to do five to seven such repetitions. Now check what you have done and how your attitude towards smoking has changed. Try to smoke and watch your feelings. If nothing has changed, go back to the fifth point and do a few more repetitions. Remember that the new Self-image must be really very attractive to you. 7. Final check – ask yourself the question: can a new condition interfere with your life? If it can, then it is necessary to refine the Self-image and add the necessary resources to it.

Dealing with fears quickly

This is one of the most famous NLP techniques. She works with fears that have been formed in a person under the influence of some traumatic situation. For example, a person is afraid to drive a car after once having a serious accident. Another feature is that a person must remember a traumatic situation. In addition to phobias, any events that a person considers traumatic for themselves are amenable to the same technique. Of course, it is necessary to work with such things in trainings, under the guidance of an experienced specialist (especially since interaction with another person is important for such exercises), but as an experiment you can try it yourself. So, you are indoors. Imagine where a situation that is visually traumatic or similar to it may be (for example, driving in a car at high speed, with an intoxicated driver, an accident, etc.). What do you see in this picture? Is it static, is it moving? Is it colored or black and white? What kind of picture is it – square, round, rectangular? How far is it from you? What size is it? Looking at the picture, evaluate your emotional state on a negative ten–point scale, where 1 is the highest score. Then describe a situation where you feel comfortable. Even if this situation is still invented and modeled by you, it's okay (for example, a quiet ride in a car with an experienced driver). The main thing is that you feel good in it. Now put her back in the room. Look at her. How far away is she from you? At what height, or maybe on a par with you? What is its shape? Color, black and white? Evaluate your emotional state when looking at this picture on a positive ten–point scale, where 10 is the highest score. Now imagine the third picture, the one that will help you move from a negative to a comfortable state for you. In other words, you need to provide a resource that will help you overcome the current situation. Where in the room is this picture? Describe her. Sometimes there is no such picture, the person does not see his resource. There's nothing wrong with that. Then you can work with the two previous "images". So, look at your first negative picture. Move her away from you as far as possible. How far did she move away? On a negative ten-point scale, evaluate how your attitude towards this situation has changed. Push it back some more. What will be your assessment now? How have your bodily sensations changed due to the fact that you moved this picture away? Next, look at the second – positive – picture. Can you visually bring her closer to you? Zoom in as long as it gets closer. How close did it get? If you can't zoom in, try enlarging the image, for example, twice. How much do you rate your emotional state now on a positive ten-point scale? Finally, try to mentally delete the negative image and drag the positive one in its place. What are your feelings now? Rate it in points. Mentally replay this exercise in situations where you have fear. NLP and Pickup

In such a fertile field as pickup (that is, getting to know a member of the opposite sex for the purpose of seduction), many NLP techniques flourish. Pickups mostly use techniques such as NLP in jokes, the familiar anchoring technique (playing with sensations, images, sounds, and tastes), behavior in a situation where a girl refuses a date because she has a boyfriend, etc. The technique uses a number of manipulations to lure a girl out (in particular basically, pickups are still young people, although there are also girls) on a date. Finally, a technique based on paradoxical suggestion is used, the so-called "closer-further" technique (one of its elements is, for example, the following words: "I thought I loved you, but it turned out that I didn't." After such words and a number of manipulations, the object of interest to the pickup truck simply will not be able to part with it).

How to seduce a girl?

To do this, according to the pickup's trainers, you need to go through a difficult learning process, so we'll give you just a few simple tips. Indecision, modesty, shyness are the main enemies of a guy in the difficult task of seducing a girl. The first rule is a smile, which should always be with you. Rule number 2 – watch what you say, what words you use. The third rule is to look into the eyes of the other person and try to imperceptibly copy his poses, gestures and facial expressions. Without realizing it, the other person will begin to perceive you as an open person who can be trusted (but you and I know that you shouldn't be trusted at all, which proves once again how dear our illusions can be to us). Rule number 4 – consider the comfort zone that every person has, and the girl has it most pronounced. This means that when meeting a girl, you should not approach her from behind or directly in the forehead, blocking her path. The best way is to approach from the side, because the comfort zone there is minimal – at arm's length, and therefore the distance is shorter. Most often, people communicate on social media. Therefore, in order to interest a girl with whom you have already communicated, as advised by pickups, it is useful not to appear on social networks for, say, a couple of days. Then check in a couple of photos from some interesting places. All this is necessary for the girl to feel that you have your own personal life and that you will not come running at her first request. This is the simplest thing. Next, you need to learn things like the "closer-further" exercises. For example, when she calls you, tell her you'll call her back. When you do this (in 20 minutes, or better yet in an hour), she will already be somewhat confused (the arrogance that 99% of girls have, according to crafty pickups, will just come off her by this point), and you will be in control of the situation. But you need to understand that this is too subtle a science – you can overdo it and go too "far", then the girl can "jump off" your clever hook. If a girl just doesn't notice you, it's useful to stand out from the crowd first. For example, she's in the same year as you. Get a huge calculator or other thing that would simply distinguish you from other people. After the girl "remembers" you, start further communication, for example, on a social network. Of course, no matter how trivial it may be, do not forget about your appearance – go to a stylist, buy fashionable clothes, etc. Any pickup truck will tell you: you should not start hunting for women's hearts with a low-quality "upgrade", as in this case even an all-powerful pickup truck may not work. It is necessary to work with the inner state somehow, because you can know all the techniques by heart, but remain extremely timid and shy - in this case they will not work either. Top men's mistakes with women

According to professional pickups, most men, as a rule, try to conquer a girl with numerous compliments, overwhelm her with bouquets of flowers, take her to expensive restaurants, etc. And that's good, but it's good in moderation and at the right time. For example, compliments are especially good when you are already taking off a girl's underwear – then, according to the same experts, she believes absolutely everything. But on a date with the wrong compliment, you can fly like a flock of rasps. The second mistake is that many men believe that a girl should very clearly show that she feels good with you, that you are doing everything right. Many people believe that a girl should take the initiative herself. Often this does not happen, and the man begins to retreat, fearing that the girl does not like him.

How to seduce a guy?

One of the most effective methods is the anchoring technique described above. One of the most effective "recipes" is to make a guy remember some point in his life when he was most aroused. Even if arousal is associated with another girl, it doesn't matter, the main thing is to make him remember this moment. Start a conversation on the topic of memories and smoothly move on to this topic. Your task is to evoke these feelings in any way you want. As soon as the guy remembers them, scrolls through the corresponding pictures in his head, he will have no choice but to transfer the whole whirlwind of his passions to you, because you will be next to him. It's very simple and, as the "pick-up girls" assure, it always works. It is also useful to casually touch the guy at this moment, but not to shake his hand (since this is a social gesture), but, say, to touch the back of his head. It is better to do this at similar moments in different situations, but always touch the same place. This way, the guy will have an anchor, which in the future you will skillfully throw at the moment when you need it. Pickup truck trainers promise: a guy will get aroused from just touching the back of his head. Well, if it doesn't work, remember that the good old (or rather, of course, the young) cleavage zone will always help you. In fact, NLP techniques actually work, but not all, not always, and not in all situations. They are useful to use, but perhaps not for everyone and in a dosed manner. NLP and pickup techniques work well for tactics, but, alas, not for strategy. The fact is that such manipulative methods, as a rule, are very interested in quite complex people, pathologically insecure and not very talented. And although this is not always the case, the desire to control and manipulate suggests that you unconsciously feel inner doubts about your ability to contact people in some other way. Certain aspects of NLP practice, of course, can be very useful in life, but too extensive implementation of them will probably only work up to a certain point. So, you may seduce a girl or a guy you like, but whether you will build a normal, trusting relationship with her/him, having the baggage of total insecurity and suspicion behind your back, whether you will be able to maintain this relationship is a big question.